The Right Tool
I've had a couple of cars in my time that needed a "specialty tool" to open things up.
The last car that needed a "specialty tool" was our Honda Civic. It was a great car. It served us well. But I needed a pair of pliers, specifically needle nose pliers, to open the hood to this car.
The thing that you would typically pull to open a car hood had broken. So, if I didn't have these pliers, I couldn't open the hood.
It's a tool that's not typically thought of to open the hood of a car. Yet, it's the only tool that would open my car's hood. I knew this, because I drove that car. It was my car. You wouldn't have necessarily known that you needed to use something different to open up my car's hood unless you looked closely. I only knew how to open it up because I was in it everyday, I knew my car and what it needed to open it up.
And, here's the thing...
This is true when it comes to students... when it comes to our own kids. Each student is different. You can't always use the same tools on every student you come in contact with. Morgan is very different from Carter. I can't talk to them the same way. The words I use. The tone. The jokes. If I want to connect with both of them, I need to find what works with them. How I like to connect isn't necessarily the same for Carter or Morgan.
You have to use what works. You have to work to find connection points. Connection points that are ever changing... because our students and kids are growing up. And the only way to know that, is to get to know your students. To take the time to get to know our ever-changing kids. To look closely into their lives and be with them.
If you do that, you'll discover what you need to open up their lives to you. I can't promise that it will be easy or that it won't take time. It's tough. It's hard. Sometimes you'll be frustrated. But as parents, as youth leaders, it's our job to not give up. It's our job to push forward and to love them through the tough points. Because in the end, everything that is worth it is rarely easy. And if nothing else, take heart in knowing you're not alone. Keep pushing. They're worth it.
The Rosco P. Coltrane Hot Pursuit
I love the Duke's of Hazzard.
Especially Rosco P. Coltrane, when he says, "I'm in hot pursuit!"
The dude is hilarious. But all too often, I find I'm just like him... chasing hard after something I really want.
As I was looking at the 10 Commandments before Covid, it hit me...
"I am so worn out. Just exhausted."
Now this could be the result of a couple of things...
Lack of sleep. Not eating right. Lack of exercise. Work schedule plus the kids' activity schedule.
But more times than not, it's because
I'm
Not
Following
The
First Commandment...
"You must not have any other god but Me." - Exodus 20:3
More times than not, when I'm exhausted, it's because I'm chasing after other gods in my life other than the One True God.
-Acceptance from my kids
-Success in my job
-Success with money
-Performance in a sport
-Parenting my kids
The list could go on and on. And it's a list of a hot pursuit of "other gods" - Like Rosco chasing after the Duke Boys... I get exhausted chasing something I rarely ever catch.
But...
The 10 Commandments isn't simply a list of do's and don'ts - right's and wrongs - laws... it's a glimpse into the heart of God. God doesn't want me to simply keep Him first (whatever that means) because He's got a big ego, He wants me to pursue Him because that pursuit brings life and not exhaustion.
So what's your "Rosco P. Coltrane" hot pursuit?
Why not switch it up and get in hot pursuit with God?
I Don't Like this Song
Morgan loves riding in the Jeep... like LOVES it.
If it's nice out, she wants to ride everywhere in it, especially to her dance classes. And not only does she want to ride in it, we have to have the radio up loud... especially when we pull up to drop her off.
So yesterday, as we got closer to dropping her off, it became apparent that Morgan "needed" the right song to roll up on. As we approached the last two stoplights, wrong song after wrong song came on. Then commercials. What were we going to do?
As we rolled through the last green light, in my mind I thought, "Well, if we don't have a good song, I'll just drive down the street and turn around... we have time for that." I pushed a button that played a song... "Dad, I don't like that song. It's boring." I pushed another button, "No dad, not that song." As I pushed the third button I realized it was a commercial, so I kept going past her dance studio.
"Dad, you just passed my studio." As I turned in the next entrance, I said, "Uhhhhhhh, I know Morgan. I was trying to pull up with a song on." At which point I pushed the button back to the first station to which she said, "Oh ya! I love this song, let's go." I shook my head, laughed and reminded her that she just said that she didn't like this song because it was boring.
But we kept it on as we pulled up to drop her off... unfortunately for her, nobody was out front as we pulled in to an empty parking lot. It was all for nothing...
We just shook our head and laughed. There really was no other response. It's kinda like when your toddler likes peanut butter and jelly one day, then the next they hate it. I can be like that at times. Everyone can really. Changing your mind isn't a bad thing necessarily. It's simply knowing what you want and what you don't want.
It's ok when it comes to things like this. But when it comes to commitments, not so much. That's one thing as parents Jami and I try to get our kids to understand. When you commit to something, you either finish it out, or you better have a great reason why you need to end the commitment... then end it respectfully. Too many times we try to take the easy way out of the commitments we make... whether it's with work, a sports team, a commitment with a friend or a relationship commitment.
It seems like "changing your mind" is a strength when it comes to commitments. But that's just not true. With where the world is at today, one of the things that Jami and I want our kids to learn, is the honor of following through with the commitments one makes. It's not easy all the time, but it's a legacy that is important to leave behind.
Handcuffed to the Garage
Growing up, we used to stay out late playing in the neighborhood.
I know! Kids actually played outside! At night! Until we were exhausted! Some nights it was Ghost in the Graveyard. Other nights it was Kick the Can. Still, other nights, we simply climbed trees and stayed out talking about anything and everything.
One of the favorite games we played in the neighborhood was, "Guns." There were a lot of kids in our neighborhood. Me and my two younger brothers would go knock on doors to get everyone gathered up. Each kid would bring their toy gun. Some would make noises and some wouldn't. That was ok because it simply meant that the shooting noise would simply be made with our mouth.
Once we got everyone gathered, it was time to pick teams. The three Ruth boys would always be on one team. And we'd have a few more to pick. Once teams were set, each team would part their ways and find their home base. Once each team had their base, the game was on.
It. Was. A. Blast. We felt like we were hunting the enemy. We'd crawl on the ground from bush to bush. We'd hide in unlocked cars that weren't our parents. Hiding under front porches that weren't our homes was just fine too. Then, once the enemy walked by, we'd jump out and... "Pew" "Pew" "Pew." Ok, that's not actually the sound I would make... that's impossible to type here. But we'd jump out and shoot the enemy, then take them back to our base because it just happened to be a flesh wound and not a shot to the head.
During more times than not, out base was our garage that was behind our house and opened up to the alley. It wasn't attached to our house, and it had windows on three sides. Once we had the captured enemy at our base, the interrogation began.
Where are your teammates?
Where are they hiding?
Where is your base?
Unfortunately for this enemy combatant, he didn't feel like answering. So, like any smart (and cold-hearted) soldier, we took his handcuffs off (he was handcuffed with his hands in the back), and placed them back on so that his hands were in front of him. Now you might think we were being nice. You would be wrong. We did that so that he could raise his hands above his head.
This wasn't a move of generosity. No. We needed to be able to hook his handcuffed hands to the garage door. You might be thinking we didn't want him to escape when we left to find the other enemies. Again, you'd be wrong. You see, we asked him very specific questions. Easy questions. Questions he refused to answer. So to get him to tell us where his base was, we hooked his handcuffed hands to the garage and began to slowly lift the garage door up.
"Where's your base?" No answer? Ok. Raise the garage door. "Where's your base?" Nothing again? Ok. We raised it again. This kid's feet were nearly five feet off the ground before he told us where his base was. After he told us, we lowered the garage door but kept him hooked up until we were able to confirm it was true. Once we did, we took the base and won that game.
That kid didn't speak to us for some time. But it was worth it, we won that game. And when we captured someone else and asked where their base was, they answered right away after that game.
Looking back on those times is fun. We didn't really hurt anyone... badly. But remembering stories like this gets me thinking a little bit...
You see, this kid could have been released from the handcuffs right away if he would have simply answered the questions we had for him. How many times in my life have I handcuffed myself by the decisions I've made. Because I've been stubborn. Because I've been selfish. Because I wanted things my way. Sometimes, we handcuff ourselves in life. Sometimes it's our fault. Handcuffs like when we fight with our spouse or our children.
We've all handcuffed ourselves at some point or another. But the beautiful thing is, as long as you have breath, you still have a chance to remove those handcuffs by God's grace. While people may give up on us, God never will. He can free us from the handcuffs we've placed on our own wrists when we place our faith and trust in Him.
"He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness and broke away their chains." Psalm 107:14
Stone Pillars
I love pillars. Pillars on homes. Pillars on buildings. Pillars on monuments.
It's one of the many reason's I love going to Washington D.C. There's just something strong and beautiful about them. When you look at the Jefferson Memorial, you can't help but notice its pillars. I had the opportunity to chaperone Carter's 8th grade trip to DC where I captured the photo above of the Washington Monument... side note, if you have the opportunity to chaperone your kid's trip, do it... it's time well spent for sure.
But Washington D.C. isn't the only place where you will find pillars. Check this out:
"I am writing these things to you now, even though I hope to be with you soon, so that if I am delayed, you will know how people must conduct themselves in the household of God. This is the church of the living God, which is the pillar and foundation of truth." 1 Timothy 3:14-15
There's deep meaning in the word, "Pillar."
Pillars are strong.
They stand for something.
Pillars are noticeable.
They stand out.
Pillars are beautiful.
They're majestic.
There's deep meaning in the word, "Pillar."
Paul, the writer of 1 Timothy, tells us that the church of the living God is a pillar of truth.
My question is...
What are you a pillar of?
At your job.
In your marriage.
In your relationships with your friends...
And kids.
What are you a pillar of?
Truth? Love? Peace?
The world... your coworkers... your children... my children... need us to be pillars that are described in 1 Timothy.
We all stand for something. We are all noticed. We're all pillars...
The question is...
What are you a pillar of?
Leave It Better
I got a lot of speeches when I was growing up...
Jami and I were having a discussion while on one of our walks a couple of days ago. And during the discussion, we realized that we haven't hit the topic in question hard enough with our own kids. It's an action that if taken, shows that you as a person cares and that you're thoughtful and mature.
It's easily taught through teaching moments with our kids. I taught it and modeled it every day when I was leading a Boys and Girls Club site. But I've failed to do this with my own kids.
When I was growing up, my dad would routinely model this behavior after each baseball practice or game. My mom modeled it when we went to a friend's home. It's super simple.
Leave it better than you found it.
It didn't matter if it was a park, a dugout or someone's home. Before we left, we always... always left it better than we found it. We didn't just put things back. If there was trash there before we arrived, we made sure to throw it away and leave the space cleaner, better than when we found it.
Today, this needs to apply to human life as well. Now, more than ever, people are leaving other people worse than before they met. I don't want to simply teach my kids to leave physical spaces better than they found it... as important as that is. It's even more important that we, as human beings, leave others better as we interact with them. I want others to say after they meet me and my family, that they are better off for interacting with us... that we've had a positive impact, and to...
Leave others better than before we met
The Slap Heard Around the Plane
I love watching other parents parent their children...
I really do. So when I saw this couple sit down in front of Jami and I with what looked like a five year old boy and a three year old boy on the plane ride back from vacation I was... well... excited.
I know, I know. I was a little nervous too. Because as the family walked down the aisle of the plane to find their seats it was clear who ran the show. But I was hoping that we didn't get the "screamer" type of children. And from the looks of it, I didn't think they were.
From the moment they sat down, the show was on... the dad couldn't get situated and put his things away before the demanding boss of a three year old demanded he get his iPad set up. "Billy," (real name not used), just wait sweetie. I need to put my bag above..." "Ok Billy, I need you to..." Father now leaves his bag in the aisle blocking the path for other passengers. "Is that the movie you want sweetie?" "Sir, I need you to put your bag away." Now coming from the flight attendant. The poor father's head looked like it was on a swivel.
The rest of the flight was fairly uneventful with the kids going back and forth between the aisle to get to the mother who was pretty much hands off.
Then came the landing in Chicago. The line up for landing was kind of bumpy. Seatbelts were supposed to be fastened. Three year old Billy was sitting on one side of the plane with dad and the five year old on the other side with mom. As the plane was getting ready to land, bumps and all, little Billy decided he didn't want to sit with dad anymore. "I want to sit with mom," Billy demanded. "No sweetie, you have to stay in your seat."
Billy wasn't having it. His demands getting louder the second and third time. "If you get out of your seat, you'll get in trouble with the flight attendant," dad said. Well, that only made little Billy angry. Now screaming at his dad, I could hear the sound of the metal clips beginning to unlatch. After unbuckling himself, Billy stands up in his seat and begins to walk towards his mom. His dad reaches out to grab him to pull him back, but somehow Billy escapes and dad gives up.
As little Billy crosses the aisle to mom, he begins to dance and sing, "Nah nah nah. I'm sitting with moooommmm." And the dad did nothing... worse, he just looked defeated. And in my head, I couldn't help but wonder what everyday living looked like for that family.
And I was able to get a glimpse 10 minutes later as we were waiting to get off the plane.
You see, Billy wasn't done. As we were all getting our things together, that family was trying to gather up their items as well. Mom needed to pack up her carryon bag but needed Billy to move. The problem... he wasn't moving. So, mom gave dad a look. And that look prompted dad to pick little Billy up. The problem... Billy didn't want to be picked up. So Billy said no and...
Billy
Slapped
His
Dad
In
His
Face
In my head I thought, "Daaaaaannnnnnngggggggg. Dad just got pimped slapped by a three year old." The slap was so hard that everyone three seats away from this father turned and looked, waiting to see what was going to happen next.
Nothing. Nothing happened. He simply put him down and picked up his bag, and continued waiting for his wife to get her things together.
I don't know anything about this family other than what I witnessed on this flight. If I was forced to guess, I would say that their children run the house.
Then I started to think about my own kids, and me as a dad. I would have never allowed my kid to essentially Bi$#% slap me without a consequence (or a bodyslam in return). But I definitely don't have it all together. There are times where I say no only to give in later. There are times where I give consequences and then don't hold to them. Those times are few and far between, but they happen. Watching this reminded me how important it is to correct and hold my children accountable for their behavior each and every time. Consistent consequences are super important for children, and in the end, I need to do my best to help them become responsible adults... one day at a time, even when I get tired.
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6
Moving Beyond Failure
Randy Johnson was a beast of a pitcher when I was growing up.
I remember where I was when Randy Johnson became the 24th pitcher in baseball history to win 300 games after struggling early in his career (having won only 64 games by his 30th birthday). That is a GI-NORMOUS achievement. People all over the world were talking about his achievement.
But what people weren’t talking about, were the 164 games he lost.
Before Randy Johnson won his historical 300th game, he lost 164 times. He had to endure 164 heartaches, failures, losing attempts… however you want to look at it. He flat out failed 164 times.
But after each loss, he kept going. He learned from what went wrong, and moved forward. He didn't quit or give up. He went out on the mound when it was time for his next start. It’s easy to look at this 300th win with awe and wonder. But it’s not the win that really matters… it’s the will and drive to keep going. To keep working. To keep moving forward, even in the midst of losing.
It’s easy to give up. And it’s hard to keep going.
In baseball. In life. In work. In parenting.
There are many times we’re going to want to give up and give in. But we won’t reach the victory in life, career, family, parenting, etc. unless we keep going. We won’t reach the achievement we want to reach, unless we keep taking steps forward – unless we keep getting up.
I’m sure those 164 losses were hard for Randy Johnson. Some probably harder than others. But he didn’t give in. He didn't give up.
I’m sure there will be seasons in each of our lives, careers, families, that will be hard. Some probably harder than others. Learn from what went wrong…
Get back up.
And keep moving forward.
"Jeremiah, say this to the people of Judah: This is what the Lord says: You know if a man falls down, he gets up again. And if a man goes the wrong way, he turns around and comes back." Jeremiah 8:4
One Thing You Need to Make a Difference
If you want to make a difference...
If you want to make a difference...
Have More Conversation.
If you want to better your marriage...
Have More Conversation.
If you want to be a better parent...
Have More Conversation.
If you want to be a better friend...
Have More Conversation.
If you want to have peace...
Have More Conversation.
I think I need to...
Have More Conversation.
You?
The Jeep Wave
The Jeep Wave... it's a real thing...
It's one of the things that I love most about owning a Jeep. We can literally be driving down the road and as we pass another Jeep Wrangler driving by, both of us wave at each other. Essentially, we show each other some love.
I wasn't alive during the 60's, so I only have 44 years to reference from. But this day, more than ever, seems like our country is divided in every area. Everywhere we look we can see hate. The news. Hate. Social media. Hate. I watch the way people debate and hear the things that are being said... hate and more hate. We are not the United States of America at this point... We are the Divided States of America... in almost every corner... except the Jeep.
I know this seems funny and maybe even trite to say, but riding in a Jeep is a connection point to people. It doesn't matter who passes by, there's always a wave. Two very different individuals enjoying the same type of thing waving at and being good to each other. This past weekend I really took notice of who was in the Jeep passing by each other. We passed by white drivers... wave. We passed by black drivers... wave. Latino drivers... wave. Young drivers... wave. Older drivers... wave. It didn't make any difference who was driving our Jeeps... we all waved at each other.
But seriously, this got me thinking. What if this was the picture of the church? What if this was the picture of America? What if the body of Christ all came together and was good to each other? What if America came together and was good to each other? Democrats? Republicans? Can it happen? I think it can. And it starts with me.
That's the message I'm trying to send to my own children. The answer doesn't lie in social media. It doesn't lie in cute posts that point to someone else's post. It's not found in me telling someone else what they should or shouldn't do. My message to my own children is best taught by my actions... by
Doing.
The.
Next.
Right.
Thing.
What conquers hate? Jesus and living my life how He lived His. But maybe you're not ready to do that yet... so the next best thing that conquers hate is doing the next right thing... whatever that may be.
I have, and will continue to do the next right thing. I hope you will too.