I love AND hate that tactic. I love it because it reminds me of my childhood and the many times it was said to me by my mom, dad, teachers, coaches and parents of friends. I hate it because, well, it’s a lazy form of communication that adults use to exert their authority.
I’ve actually caught myself mid-sentence getting ready to say the exact same phrase to my kids. Then I stopped and thought, “Todd, you’re an idiot.” This tactic in authority may work to get a five year old to clean up his toys. It may work for a coach who’s told his players to run laps. It may work for a moment… but that’s it… for One. Short. Moment. The authoritative works in the short-term moments.
But, true life-change in an individual isn’t inspired by someone’s authority – for the most part. It’s inspired by a person’s trust they have in the other person trying to make their life better.
The question then becomes, why do pastors, parents, coaches – adults, use the authoritative approach to try to cause life-change in a person? We think, students need to change because of our position, age, experiences. We think students need to just take our word for it because of our authority. Why do we use this approach? Because it’s easy. You see, it’s not that our age, experiences or positions are bad or evil. Using our authority isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But it becomes a bad thing – it becomes useless, if that is all we use. However, those things become tools if they are applied in a relationship of trust between us and the person we are trying to help. So, then, the next question becomes (and this is the coolest question), what the heck does this type of approach look like? Check this out:
“The Word became flesh and blood and moved into our neighborhood.”John 1v14
Jesus is the perfect example. He literally had all the authority in the world. He could have simply said, “Follow me because I said so.” And everyone would have had to follow him. He had the position. He had the experiences. But he chose a different way of bringing about life change… he brought it in by developing a relationship of trust with those he came in contact with. Check this out:
1. Jesus met people where they are at… “Passing along, Jesus saw a man at his work collecting taxes. Jesus said, ‘Come along with me.’ Matthew stood up and followed him.”Matthew 9v9 – In other words, I want to be where you are. I care enough about you to go to where you live, breathe and operate.
2. Jesus also connected with people through personal touch…“A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.’ Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.”Matthew 8v2, 3 –He’s communicating that he cares enough to touch someone considered untouchable. He’s stating, you’re worth something. You matter.
3. Jesus also let people fail… “Then Jesus told them, ‘Before the night’s over, you’re going to fall to pieces because of what happens to me…’ Peter broke in, ‘Even if everyone else falls to pieces on account of you, I won’t.’ ‘Don’t be so sure,’ Jesus said. ‘This very night, before the rooster crows up the dawn, you will deny me three times.'”Matthew 26v31-34 – In other words, guys, you’re going to fail. Not just a little. But a lot. Jesus could have stopped them from failing. But he didn’t. He allowed them to experience failure. Not because he enjoyed watching them fail. No. I believe it’s because he wanted to let them experience his love despite their failure.
4. Jesus also loved people through their failure… “After breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?’ ‘Yes, Master, you know I love you.’ Jesus said, ‘Feed my lambs.’ He then asked a second time, ‘Simon, son of John, do you love me?’ ‘Yes, Master, you know I love you.’ Jesus said, ‘Shepherd my sheep.’ Then he said it a third time: ‘Simon, son of John, do you love me?’ Peter was upset that he asked for the third time, so he answered, ‘Master, you know everything there is to know. You’ve got to know that I love you…’ Then Jesus commanded, ‘Follow me.'”John 21v15-19 – Despite Peter outright denying any connection to Jesus, probably Peter’s biggest failure, Jesus loved him through it. What a huge trust-building gesture – saying, even though you’ve failed, I still love you. I still see value in you. You still matter.
Un-believ-able. Jesus, who had all authority in heaven and on earth, inspired people to life-change through trust-building relationships with a personal touch rather than relying on his authority only. Why? Because it was out of love.
