As the kids were younger, I had thought a lot about getting a dog. I mean, I had a dog when I grew up… actually, we had several dogs when I was growing up… at least five. Jami had a dog when she was growing up. So after a while, I knew that we needed to get a dog for our kids. As Jami and I were discussing the idea of a dog, someone let us know that there was one that needed to be given away. A six month old Havapoo… half Havanese, half Poodle. It was the perfect dog when it came to shedding and playing with the kids. And it made our family Christmas cards cuter too.

But seven years into having Zoe, I felt the need to have a “real” dog. When I thought about the idea of having a dog years ago, I always pictured a Labrador Retriever… You know, a real dog. Plus, as we took Zoe for a walk, all I could think about was the neighbors laughing at me as I walked a six pound dog down the street… I know. I have problems. But in my mind, I wanted… no, needed a real dog.

So towards the end of 2019, we purchased and picked up Lola, our charcoal Lab… you know… our real dog. Now I can take the dogs for a walk with pride. Jami has her dog. And I have mine… a real dog. I joke all the time that Lola has the street smarts and Zoe has more of the scholastic smarts. Lola is all dog. And Zoe is… well… I’m not sure… maybe part dog, part cat? Lola can do dog tricks. And Zoe… well, Zoe knows how to sit. That’s about it. One of the things that Zoe has never done that I totally forgot that dogs do until we got Lola, is the whole chasing their tail thing. I don’t know why, but it’s always funny to watch Lola chase her tale. Around and around and around. Trying to grab it with her mouth. 99% of the time she can’t grab it. But there’s that one percent of the time that she does grab it and she treats it like it’s a miracle. I don’t know why I laugh when I see it, but it’s hysterical to me.

And then, as Jami and I were talking about our kids and parenting, it hit me. There are many times where we feel like we are chasing our tails. Like when we tell them over and over again…. take out the trash, do the dishwasher, put the toaster back, clean the top of the oven, clean your room… basically clean up after themselves and take care of their things. And then there’s the… practice your sport, do your school work, get out to the bus on time, read your bible, memorize our family bible verse… you know, the things that should be priority in their lives.

And we find ourselves getting super frustrated telling them… reminding them… telling them again to do these things… you know… chasing our tail only to have them not do what we’ve asked them to do. If only they just did what we told them to do then they’d be perfect little human beings.

We’ve tried everything, from nagging to harping to removing privileges to other consequences to get them to do what they’ve been asked to do in their lives. While that temporarily works… for like 24 hours… we find ourselves once again chasing our tails wondering why there hasn’t been permanent life change. And then we remind ourselves…

It’s not just about changing their behavior. It’s about building up their heart. Instead of getting frustrated focusing on simply putting away the toaster. It’s about teaching them how to serve. It’s about teaching them how to prioritize what’s important in their lives. It’s about thinking about others above themselves. It’s about thinking ahead and being able to see how doing a small task could be so helpful to someone else. It’s about teaching them to follow Jesus and what all that looks like.

You see, it’s really all about their heart. And once their heart changes, then their behavior will follow. Which makes this all the more harder. Because it becomes all about us and less about them. It becomes about how we respond to their perceived failure. It becomes about what we chase in our lives. It’s really about our vision for what’s important and where we place our focus. And it’s really all about our hearts.

Once we realize this, then we can finally stop chasing our tails.

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. Proverbs 13:24

When we hear this verse we think about spanking our children. It’s not about correction through pain. Jami’s parents actually had a paddle with this verse on it. But this verse isn’t really about spanking your children. You see, shepherds use a rod and a staff to direct their sheep. The rod is used to gently prod the sheep on the right path. And the staff is used to strongly exert his authority and to gently, but firmly pull the sheep back to the herd moving them in the right direction, away from harm. You see, this verse is all about direction and protection.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

It’s all about directing our kids and protecting them…

So if we look at parenting as guiding and shaping and molding our children then we become more intentional about helping and guiding our children in the way that God would have us and them to live. Then, doing the dishes, putting the toaster back, cleaning the oven becomes an act of service and practicing their sport and doing their schoolwork becomes using the talents God has given them.

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Changing our children’s behavior is super important. But it’s about so much more than that, it’s about their hearts. Which means that parenting and training up our children really starts with our hearts. It’s a perspective shift in our thinking and how we parent. Once our perspective changes, only then can we be free from chasing our tails.